I remember when it started. I was once a person who loved elegance, adored the energy of crowds, had countless friends, and traveled solo, basking in the thrill of nights out, the sea, the sun, and loud music. Life was vibrant, filled with laughter and joy. But then, everything changed.
Darkness consumed me. I became someone who was constantly shrouded in a veil of despair. I wanted to hide, to be invisible. The world, which once seemed so bright, turned into a place of fear and isolation. I became terrified of people, unable to muster the courage to even go to the shop. One by one, I pushed away all my friends, retreating further into my own abyss.
Months passed in this bleak existence. I lost my job, my friends, and all the things that once defined me. But the worst loss of all was losing myself. I became a ghost, drifting through days with no purpose. Music, which once filled my life with happiness, became unbearable. I couldn't watch TV, couldn't find solace in anything. I couldn't even take care of myself. Simple tasks became insurmountable challenges.
I didn't understand what was happening to me. I couldn't comprehend that I was experiencing depression. At that time, the concept of depression was foreign to me; I simply knew that I felt lost and overwhelmed.
Depression took me from being a cheerful, vibrant person and turned me into a hollow shell. The person who loved life, who thrived on excitement and adventure, was gone. In their place was someone unrecognizable, living in a perpetual state of darkness and despair. My world, once so full of light, had become an endless night.
The fight against depression began slowly. Even with help from the NHS and emotional support workers, things didn’t get better. I got medication prescribed, but it didn’t seem to help me. Each day felt like a battle just to get out of bed. The medication made me feel numb, as if I was trapped in a fog, unable to see a way out.
The support workers tried to reach me, offering advice and strategies to cope, but their words felt distant, like echoes in a vast, empty chamber. Their efforts, though well-meaning, couldn’t penetrate the heavy shroud of my depression. I felt utterly alone, fighting a war that seemed impossible to win.
Despite the external help, the darkness remained. Every day was a struggle to survive, to find even the smallest glimmer of hope. My journey through depression was a lonely one, filled with moments of despair and hopelessness. It felt like I was drowning, gasping for air in a sea of darkness.